Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Fritz perls' ideas


Perls defined maturity as a continuous process of transcending environmental support and developing self support,with an increasing reduction of dependencies .perls said that each person can withdraw into himself and find that support within.
         He insisted that for real communication honesty is very important. if you feel uncomfortable in a relationship then honesty is not there.honesty also means I dont ignore my awareness or rather do not ignore the obvious.he said neurotics ignore the obvious.hence he said keep it simple be aware of yourself and be aware of the other person right now,just now that is the way to honest self awareness and to a real communication and honest sharing. and honest sharing relieves and brings you in contact with the real person in contrast to the phantasy image of the person that you carry in the mind.
     Aware of what? aware of any body sensations, of tightness or inclination or contact or any sensation that is there. aware of what you see, hear, feel at the moment both within and around .
so withdrawal and practice of body awareness is a good exercise that can help you later in having more satisfying relationship.
similarly understanding and perceiving feelings are also very useful .there are four basic feelings according to Berne- he called them sad,mad,scared and glad mad being the american slang for anger.tiredness is a purely physical feeling.
  so the most honest way of communicating to another person is this way" I am aware of ........ or I am aware of you........." keeping it as barely factual and reality as possible without adding any subtle interpretation or angle or twist.
     he says it is more satisfying to be honest .

In the link given below is a live demonstration of what is described .
http://youtu.be/-jRegtOkYQY

he also said that perfectionism came as an obstacle in the path of honest communication ,because those who had this problem used this as a whip to whip themselves and others with it.especially since at that time he had to deal with a lot of therapists who had come to learn from him who believed in a phony altruism . without honest self awareness.
so he stressed that it is more important to be honestly self -aware first . if you wish to help others one could do so without being phony.
top dog-underdog split:
he called the conscience top-dog who says you should do ...... and the under dog who maybe forced to hide his immediate self awareness  of his needs and say "I Promise....why agree when you can promise?" so he said this top dog -underdog split forces the underdog to become a frustrator thereby converting the mind into a battlefield between the dominant top dog and the conniving calculating underdog forced to do so to meet his otherwise discounted needs and feelings.
honest self awareness of our child like needs and the excessiveness of parental dictums of perfection lead to a more wise choice grounded in reality,free from the  top-dog ,underdog split.
this is the importance of honest self awareness which cultivates the mature adult part of our being.
and then you may realize that the world doesn't fall to pieces if you are honest or you get angry.

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